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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Would
Written
Waiting
Hours
Reading
Funny
Dressed
Book
Gotten
Long
Spent
Never
Wife
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Groucho Marx
It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Time wounds all heels.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
Groucho Marx
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
Groucho Marx
I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.
Groucho Marx
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
Groucho Marx
Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
Groucho Marx
I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
Groucho Marx
A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Groucho Marx
