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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Sap
Bore
Bores
Sarcastic
Hole
Holes
Running
More quotes by Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
Groucho Marx
