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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Almost
Humorous
Woman
Discover
Girl
Mines
Two
Mine
Many
Exactly
Years
Girls
Like
Taste
Chased
Crazy
Tastes
More quotes by Groucho Marx
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
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[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
Groucho Marx
