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No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Funny
Groucho
Real
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Breaking
Friend
Humor
Name
Names

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
Groucho Marx
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
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The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
Groucho Marx
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
Groucho Marx
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
Groucho Marx
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Groucho Marx
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
Groucho Marx
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
Groucho Marx
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Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
Groucho Marx
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Groucho Marx