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No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Real
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Breaking
Friend
Humor
Name
Names
Funny
Groucho
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
Groucho Marx
A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
Groucho Marx
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
Groucho Marx
Blood's not thicker than money.
Groucho Marx
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
Groucho Marx
If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
Groucho Marx
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx