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No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Funny
Groucho
Real
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Breaking
Friend
Humor
Name
Names

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
Groucho Marx
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
Groucho Marx
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
Groucho Marx
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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
Groucho Marx
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
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Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
Groucho Marx
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
Groucho Marx