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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Happy
Shut
Learn
Mouth
Keep
Mouths
Husband
Marriage
Silence
Wants
Checkbook
Open
Wedding
More quotes by Groucho Marx
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
Groucho Marx
Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
Groucho Marx
A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Groucho Marx
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
