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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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More quotes by Groucho Marx
Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
Groucho Marx
This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Groucho Marx
Only if the computers really love each other.
Groucho Marx
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
Groucho Marx
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
Groucho Marx
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Groucho Marx
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Groucho Marx
Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
Groucho Marx
Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
Groucho Marx
You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
Groucho Marx
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx