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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Humour
Laugh
Laughing
Happy
Funny
Find
Hard
Sarcasm
Would
Sarcastic
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
