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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Hard
Sarcasm
Would
Sarcastic
Humour
Laugh
Laughing
Happy
Funny
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More quotes by Groucho Marx
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
Groucho Marx
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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He thinks I look alike!
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
Groucho Marx
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
