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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Sarcasm
Hard
Sarcastic
Would
Humour
Laugh
Laughing
Happy
Funny
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More quotes by Groucho Marx

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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx