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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Make
Open
Thinking
Eyes
Morning
Happiness
Happy
Eye
Unhappy
Power
Positive
Today
Events

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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What have future generations ever done for us?
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
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I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
Groucho Marx
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
Groucho Marx
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx