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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Kick
Kicks
Already
Teach
Need
Needs

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
Groucho Marx
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
Groucho Marx
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
Groucho Marx
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I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
Groucho Marx
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
Groucho Marx
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I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
Groucho Marx
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
Groucho Marx
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
Groucho Marx