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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Need
Needs
Kick
Kicks
Already
Teach

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
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Only if the computers really love each other.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
Groucho Marx
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx