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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Kick
Kicks
Already
Teach
Need
Needs

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
Groucho Marx
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx
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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx
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The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
Groucho Marx
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Groucho Marx
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
Groucho Marx
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
Groucho Marx
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
Groucho Marx
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Groucho Marx
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx