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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Teach
Need
Needs
Kick
Kicks
Already

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
Groucho Marx
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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He thinks I look alike!
Groucho Marx
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Groucho Marx
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
Groucho Marx