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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Pointing
Witty
Humorous
Stop
Funny
Might
Beard

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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
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A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
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