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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Might
Beard
Pointing
Witty
Humorous
Stop
Funny

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
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Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx
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Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
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I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
Groucho Marx
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
Groucho Marx
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Groucho Marx
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
Groucho Marx