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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Might
Beard
Pointing
Witty
Humorous
Stop
Funny
More quotes by Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
Groucho Marx
Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
Groucho Marx
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
Groucho Marx
Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx
Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Groucho Marx
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
Groucho Marx
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Groucho Marx
Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.
Groucho Marx
TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
Groucho Marx
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx
Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Groucho Marx