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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Stop
Funny
Might
Beard
Pointing
Witty
Humorous

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx