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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Talk
Foolishness
Funny
Soup
May
Insult
Look
Witty
Looks
Idiot
Really
Silly
Like
Fool
Crazy
Grouches

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
Groucho Marx
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The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
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Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
Groucho Marx
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx