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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Change
Give
Groucho
Book
Dollar
Giving
Shoot
Nine
Ten
Dollars
Books

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
Groucho Marx
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
Groucho Marx
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
Groucho Marx
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
Groucho Marx
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
Groucho Marx
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
Groucho Marx
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Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
Groucho Marx
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
Groucho Marx
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
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If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Groucho Marx
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
Groucho Marx