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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Humorous
Crazy
Funny
Fear
Place
Meal
Reality
Meals
Stills
Witty
Still
Decent

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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
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Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
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Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
Groucho Marx