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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Much
Witty
Absurd
Humorous
Respect
Funny
Nothing
More quotes by Groucho Marx
I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
Groucho Marx
I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
Groucho Marx
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Groucho Marx
Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
Groucho Marx
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
Groucho Marx
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
Groucho Marx
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
