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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Funny
Nothing
Much
Witty
Absurd
Humorous
Respect

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Groucho Marx
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Groucho Marx
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
Groucho Marx
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
Groucho Marx
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Groucho Marx
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
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Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Groucho Marx
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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
Groucho Marx
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx