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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Mother
Anything
Children
Would
Witty
Love
Humorous
Loved
Funny
Given

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx
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Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
Groucho Marx
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
Groucho Marx
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
Groucho Marx
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
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I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
Groucho Marx
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
Groucho Marx
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
Groucho Marx
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx