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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Mother
Anything
Children
Would
Witty
Love
Humorous
Loved
Funny
Given
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Groucho Marx
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Groucho Marx
I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
Groucho Marx
How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
Groucho Marx
Blood's not thicker than money.
Groucho Marx
If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Groucho Marx
I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
Groucho Marx
He thinks I look alike!
Groucho Marx
Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
Groucho Marx
Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
Groucho Marx
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
Groucho Marx
Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
Groucho Marx
To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx
Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
Groucho Marx
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
Groucho Marx
