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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Death
Stopped
Watches
Watch
Dead
Comedy
Either
Funny
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
Groucho Marx
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
Groucho Marx
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
Groucho Marx
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
Groucho Marx
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Groucho Marx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
Groucho Marx
Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
Groucho Marx
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
Groucho Marx
