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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Watches
Watch
Dead
Comedy
Either
Funny
Death
Stopped
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Groucho Marx
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
Groucho Marx
Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
Groucho Marx
The only real laughter comes from despair.
Groucho Marx
Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
Groucho Marx
Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
Groucho Marx
You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Groucho Marx
He thinks I look alike!
Groucho Marx
Women should be obscene, not heard.
Groucho Marx
I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
Groucho Marx
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
Groucho Marx
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Groucho Marx
