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Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Crazy
Funny
Whip
Whips
Silly
Horse
Inspiration

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
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Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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