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Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Silly
Horse
Inspiration
Crazy
Funny
Whip
Whips

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
Groucho Marx
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
Groucho Marx
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
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You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
Groucho Marx
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
Groucho Marx
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
Groucho Marx