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Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Crazy
Funny
Whip
Whips
Silly
Horse
Inspiration

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
Groucho Marx
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Groucho Marx
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
Groucho Marx
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
Groucho Marx