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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Crazy
Sides
Funny
Would
Closer
Silly
Held
Side
Inspiration

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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
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Time wounds all heels.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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What have future generations ever done for us?
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
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