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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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More quotes by Groucho Marx
The only real laughter comes from despair.
Groucho Marx
Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
Groucho Marx
Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
Groucho Marx
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
Groucho Marx
Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
Any place I hang my head is home.
Groucho Marx
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
Groucho Marx
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
Groucho Marx
Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
Groucho Marx
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
Groucho Marx
You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
Groucho Marx
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
Groucho Marx
Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
Groucho Marx
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
Groucho Marx
Budget: a way of going broke methodically
Groucho Marx
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
Groucho Marx
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
Groucho Marx
