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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Humorous
Silly
Crazy
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Funny
Quoted
Inspirational
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Witty
More quotes by Groucho Marx
The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
Groucho Marx
How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
Groucho Marx
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
Groucho Marx
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Groucho Marx
That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
Groucho Marx
Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
Groucho Marx
Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
Groucho Marx
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
Groucho Marx
If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
Groucho Marx
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
