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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Inspirational
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More quotes by Groucho Marx
A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
Groucho Marx
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Groucho Marx
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
Groucho Marx
The only real laughter comes from despair.
Groucho Marx
That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
Budget: a way of going broke methodically
Groucho Marx
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
Groucho Marx
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
Groucho Marx
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
Groucho Marx
Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
