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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Inspiration
Grouches
Head
Joining
Funny
Join
Mind
Club
Clubs
Beat
Beats
Humor
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
Blood's not thicker than money.
Groucho Marx
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.
Groucho Marx
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
Groucho Marx
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Groucho Marx
I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Groucho Marx
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
