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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Clubs
Beat
Beats
Humor
Inspiration
Grouches
Head
Joining
Funny
Join
Mind
Club
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Groucho Marx
What have future generations ever done for us?
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
Groucho Marx
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
