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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Head
Joining
Funny
Join
Mind
Club
Clubs
Beat
Beats
Humor
Inspiration
Grouches

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
Groucho Marx
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
Groucho Marx
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
Groucho Marx
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
Groucho Marx
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If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.
Groucho Marx
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
Groucho Marx
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
Groucho Marx