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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
War
Music
Antiwar
Silly
Military
Crazy
Justice
Peace
Funny

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
Groucho Marx
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Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
Groucho Marx
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
Groucho Marx
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
Groucho Marx
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
Groucho Marx
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Groucho Marx
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
Groucho Marx
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
Groucho Marx
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx