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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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Hear
Stop
Heard
Story
Funny
Stories
Witty
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Humorous

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
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Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Groucho Marx
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
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TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Groucho Marx
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
Groucho Marx
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What have future generations ever done for us?
Groucho Marx
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
Groucho Marx
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
Groucho Marx