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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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Humorous
Humor
Hear
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Heard
Story
Funny
Stories
Witty

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
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I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
Groucho Marx
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Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Groucho Marx
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Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
Groucho Marx
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Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.
Groucho Marx
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There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
Groucho Marx
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
Groucho Marx
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
Groucho Marx
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I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
Groucho Marx
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
Groucho Marx