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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Funny
Silly
Judge
Judging
Asked
Jurors
Married
Jury
Marriage
Sarcastic
Humor
Wedding
Crazy
Dating

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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
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I shall drink no # wine before it's time! OK, it's time.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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What have future generations ever done for us?
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
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Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
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Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
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