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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Judging
Asked
Jurors
Married
Jury
Marriage
Sarcastic
Humor
Wedding
Crazy
Dating
Funny
Silly
Judge

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
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Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
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Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Blood's not thicker than money.
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
Groucho Marx