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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
People
Clubs
Members
Accepting
Humor
Inspiration
Funny
Accepts
Care
Club
Like
Belong

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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
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A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
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Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
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I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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