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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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Belong
People
Clubs
Members
Accepting
Humor
Inspiration
Funny
Accepts
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Club
More quotes by Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx
What have future generations ever done for us?
Groucho Marx
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
Groucho Marx
You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Groucho Marx
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
Groucho Marx
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?
Groucho Marx
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Groucho Marx
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
Groucho Marx
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
