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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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Belong
People
Clubs
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Accepting
Humor
Inspiration
Funny
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More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx
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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
Groucho Marx
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Groucho Marx
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
Groucho Marx
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
Groucho Marx
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
Groucho Marx
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx