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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Inspiration
Funny
Accepts
Care
Club
Like
Belong
People
Clubs
Members
Accepting
Humor

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
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Time wounds all heels.
Groucho Marx
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Groucho Marx
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Groucho Marx
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
Groucho Marx
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Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
Groucho Marx
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I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
Groucho Marx
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Groucho Marx
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Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?
Groucho Marx
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
Groucho Marx
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Groucho Marx
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
Groucho Marx
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Groucho Marx
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx