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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Care
Club
Like
Belong
People
Clubs
Members
Accepting
Humor
Inspiration
Funny
Accepts

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?
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Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
Groucho Marx
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx