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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Humor
Crazy
Secret
Dealing
Funny
Fake
Made
Silly
Life
Fairs
Fair
Honesty

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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Time wounds all heels.
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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
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