Quote

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Life
Comedian
Humorous
Clubs
Membership
Refuse
Joining
Members
Join
Humor
Member
Funny
Club
Would
Witty

More quotes by Groucho Marx

Image
Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
Groucho Marx
Image
That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
Image
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
Groucho Marx
Image
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
Image
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
Image
Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Groucho Marx
Image
I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
Groucho Marx
Image
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
Image
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx
Image
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
Groucho Marx
Image
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
Image
Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
Image
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
Image
TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
Image
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
Image
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
Image
Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
Image
Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
Groucho Marx
Image
I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Image
A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx