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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Refuse
Joining
Members
Join
Humor
Member
Funny
Club
Would
Witty
Life
Comedian
Humorous
Clubs
Membership
More quotes by Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
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He thinks I look alike!
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
Groucho Marx
Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
Groucho Marx
One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
Groucho Marx
A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx