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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Funny
Club
Would
Witty
Life
Comedian
Humorous
Clubs
Membership
Refuse
Joining
Members
Join
Humor
Member

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
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I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
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I hate London when it's not raining.
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Groucho Marx