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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Clubs
Membership
Refuse
Joining
Members
Join
Humor
Member
Funny
Club
Would
Witty
Life
Comedian
Humorous

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
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Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
Groucho Marx