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I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Horizontal
Strictly
Knowledge

More quotes by Greg Proops

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I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.
Greg Proops
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I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.
Greg Proops
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People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
Greg Proops
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I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.
Greg Proops
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
Greg Proops
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Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
Greg Proops
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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
Greg Proops
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I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.
Greg Proops
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Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
Greg Proops
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I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.
Greg Proops
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I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.
Greg Proops
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I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
Greg Proops
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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
Greg Proops
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
Greg Proops
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Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
Greg Proops
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I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.
Greg Proops
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
Greg Proops
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You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
Greg Proops
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You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
Greg Proops
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Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.
Greg Proops