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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Ice
Pants
Occasions
Selling
White
Two
Never
Cream
Worn

More quotes by Greg Proops

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If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.
Greg Proops
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Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
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I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
Greg Proops
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I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.
Greg Proops
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You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
Greg Proops
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President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
Greg Proops
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Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.
Greg Proops
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I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.
Greg Proops
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If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.
Greg Proops
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Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
Greg Proops
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Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.
Greg Proops
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
Greg Proops
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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
Greg Proops
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You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
Greg Proops
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Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
Greg Proops
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
Greg Proops
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I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.
Greg Proops
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
Greg Proops
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Think about everything you read and everything you see. The one thing we can learn from all the horrible things that have happened in the last 15-20 years is that hysteria is the last thing we need. Cool thinking, pragmatism, and analytical thought are most important at this point.
Greg Proops