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My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.
Greg Proops
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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Animal
Ran
Feeling
Ride
Feelings
Million
Three
Animals
Care
Comfortable
Years
Wouldn
Would
Millions
Truck
Time
Either
Cows
More quotes by Greg Proops
I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.
Greg Proops
You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
Greg Proops
Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
Greg Proops
Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
Greg Proops
Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
Greg Proops
We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
Greg Proops
Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
Greg Proops
I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.
Greg Proops
President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
Greg Proops
I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.
Greg Proops
I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
Greg Proops
People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
Greg Proops
White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
Greg Proops
In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
Greg Proops
Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
Greg Proops
Think about everything you read and everything you see. The one thing we can learn from all the horrible things that have happened in the last 15-20 years is that hysteria is the last thing we need. Cool thinking, pragmatism, and analytical thought are most important at this point.
Greg Proops
You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
Greg Proops
I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.
Greg Proops
I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
Greg Proops
Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
Greg Proops