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My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Time
Either
Cows
Animal
Ran
Feeling
Ride
Feelings
Million
Three
Animals
Care
Comfortable
Years
Wouldn
Would
Millions
Truck

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I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.
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Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.
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Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
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I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.
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People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
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I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.
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I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.
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If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.
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Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'
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President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
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If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.
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You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
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You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
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Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
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