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You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
Greg Proops
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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Someone
Smoke
Trying
Drinking
Really
Concern
Chiefest
Sex
Secondhand
Health
Concerns
Grow
Poison
Grows
Smoking
Point
Bars
More quotes by Greg Proops
My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.
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I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
Greg Proops
White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
Greg Proops
Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.
Greg Proops
Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.
Greg Proops
Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
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I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.
Greg Proops
President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
Greg Proops
I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.
Greg Proops
I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.
Greg Proops
I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
Greg Proops
You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
Greg Proops
Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
Greg Proops
Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
Greg Proops
We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
Greg Proops
Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
Greg Proops
I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.
Greg Proops
I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
Greg Proops