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Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Function
Animal
Society
Functions
Two
Delicious
Today
Vital
Wells
Fit
Well
Animals

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You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
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I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
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You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
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I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
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President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
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Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
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Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
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I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.
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Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
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You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
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I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.
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I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
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People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
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I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
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