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Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Wells
Vital
Well
Fit
Animals
Function
Animal
Society
Two
Functions
Today
Delicious

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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
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People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
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Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'
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If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.
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Think about everything you read and everything you see. The one thing we can learn from all the horrible things that have happened in the last 15-20 years is that hysteria is the last thing we need. Cool thinking, pragmatism, and analytical thought are most important at this point.
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Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.
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I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.
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You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
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I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
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I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.
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I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.
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You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
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I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.
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Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
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Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
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I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
Greg Proops