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Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'
Greg Proops
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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Ever
Escape
Little
England
Even
Hear
Like
Since
Bullsh
World
Religious
Pilgrims
Freedom
Pilgrim
Left
Sneak
Littles
Persecution
More quotes by Greg Proops
I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.
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You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?
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Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.
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My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.
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You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
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Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.
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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
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Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
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I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.
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I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.
Greg Proops
Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
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I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
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I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.
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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
Greg Proops
President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
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I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
Greg Proops