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I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Guy
Glasses
Carey
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Thank
Darn
Giving
King
Gosh
Years
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Kings
Drew
Like
General
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Tonight

More quotes by Greg Proops

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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
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I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
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You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
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President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
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I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
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You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!
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I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
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I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.
Greg Proops
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I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.
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I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.
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My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.
Greg Proops
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Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.
Greg Proops
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Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'
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People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
Greg Proops
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I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.
Greg Proops
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Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
Greg Proops